I > Ninjas
Friday, July 28th, 2006Now Ive thought long and hard on the subject and have come to the conclusion that a ninja would get quite a thorough ass whoopin from yours truly. Why did I bother myself with this? Well, more and more people want to be ninjas due to certain shows that have been showing locally. What these narutards dont realize is that being a ninja is like having sex with a virgin. It may seem cool at first, but eventually you’re just gonna get blood on yourself.
Now Ive broken it down into parts to make the comparison to me and your typical ninja.
Ninja Fighting Style: Now a ninja is…..well a ninja so itll be fighting…..like a ninja. Id imagine some punches here and there, but mostly kicks. Kicks to the head and upperbody region I figure would be most likely. Also those little finger jab things to cut off my tenketsu flow.
My Fighting Style: Now I can say that I dont have very much training. I took 2 Karate classes because I won them by drawing the best Ninja Turtle at my school about 10 years back. I received my White Belt. Fitting that what I had to draw is the type of ass I’ll have to kick. But I’ve digressed. Now my fighting style would be rough at best. I dont have much experience physically, but I have watched many Steven Segal films, we know the type of damage he can do. I also enjoy sidekicks with Chuck Norris and the kid from The Never Ending story. I picked up necessary skills from them.
I have also studied every season of the Power Rangers since its been on (Tommy = Best. Ranger. Ever). I can do all the fancy stuff they do, fall to the ground after some sparkles hit me, and then grab my shoulder in agony due to said sparkles. I can jump and fall on my back due to the explosives that went off on the ground a few hundred yards away. The only thing I cant do is morph into an ass kicking pastel colored machine of death. However im working on a functional morpher as we speak!
Ninja Weaponry: Ninja carry around stars. These are called Ninja stars, mostly because Ninja carry them. They have those smoke bombs that make them vanish like crack at Bobby and Whitney’s house. The TMNTs have a vast array of weaponry, however I would ally myself with them ASAP as to have backup.
My Weaponry: Ive been working on some new devices, I have one prototype that I like to call a "Sling-shot" many people confuse it with something called a "slingshot" however mine is better because when im not hunting Ninja I can use it to shoot M&Ms into my mouth. Ive been having a tough time duplicating the smoke bomb, flour isnt light enough and backing powder makes me sneeze, which would alert the NInja scum of my whereabouts.
Ninja Tactics: Now Ninja like to work in stealth, surprising the enemy. quick, efficient, and decisive under the veil of darkness.
My Tactics: I can remedy that easily by carrying around a maglight and flashing it around in a random fashion so they cant attack me. Alternately I can dress up as a blonde white girl, for Ninja are apparently unable to attack such a foe.
Conclusion: Now ive stated my points and I know all of you are wondering how you can join me in my fight against the Ninja bastards, but this is a mission i must take on my own. I will eliminate every Ninja in the galaxy, for they already have a growing resistance on pluto. As I said, after much thought im sure I can kick every Ninjas ass, possibly 2 to 3 at a time.
Thank you for your time and good night! Unless there are Ninja in your room, then it is not a good night.
