Where are your pants?

Today, my last pair of headphones stopped working. Keep in
mind that two months ago I had four working sets.

My first pair of headphones broke when they fell from my ears and became two
lost souls swimming in a curry bowl. Don’t worry; the curry was quite tasty so
there was no drop in moral for me that day, besides I had three other pairs of
headphones that were in easy access.

The next headphones were the cheap kind that you get on an airline. Dad gave me
one of vanity bags from Qantas and lo and behold, there was a pair of earphones
there. I was having problems sleeping at this time, so in order to calm myself
down I theorized that Foo Fighters would help me fall asleep. No, not them in
bed right next to me, but rather their music. I would put a single earbud in
the ear that wasn’t pressed against the pillow. The left earbud had better
acoustics then his eastern counterpart, so I would favor the left side. The
easterner was very offended since he wanted to be heard as well. In protest he
would often creep down to my neck or chest and make a nuisance of himself,
doing whatever he could to offset Grohl’s soothing voice. It’s not comfortable
to sleep on top of a earbud, no matter how small it may be; it will always be
uncomfortable. Well, if you are a formidable size your girth may welcome the
earbud and you will continue being comfortable without conscience of the
earbuds presence. Obviously I wasn’t pleased with the right earbuds actions, so
I decided to tear him out at the V intersection. I anticipated a peaceful night
of sleep, but to my dismay the right earbud was so traumatized by my actions
toward his brother that he stopped working and eventually died of depression. I
dared not disfigure any more of my headphones so I went to sleep without my
peaceful music.

The next headphone fatality was my favorite pair of headphones. I was performing
HIIT when my elbow caught onto the cord of the headphones. A ferocious battle
ensued; unfortunately my elbow turned out to be the winner. Had I not placed
the earbuds so tightly in my ear, the cord would not have snapped. The speaker
portion of the earbud remained in my ear while the cord dangled lifelessly at
my waist. I was crushed at the loss of my favorite pair.

My last set of headphones was my best one. It was ideal for
the computer, having an attached microphone. I must say it was a very nifty
set. I hadn’t used it anywhere but on my stationary computer, now that he was
the last survivor of my headphones he was called into action as a mobile sound
projector. He wasn’t suited for this job very well, he had a six foot cord that
made his transportation very cumbersome. I had just finished preparing myself a
bowl of curry. I picked up the bowl of curry and attempted to walk away, the
headphones, however, had a different idea. His cord had gotten tangled on a
knob that belongs to one of the cabinets in my kitchen. To describe the
situation the best, I got clotheslined. I dropped the bowl of curry and fell to
the floor; while falling I managed to gain control of the bowl. It,
unfortunately, emptied a fair share of its contents onto myself and the floor.
I jumped up off the floor, musing how coordinated I was to have caught the
bowl, and started to move towards the paper towels so as to clean off my
headphones. I then remembered that I had scalding hot curry on my hands and
chest, and that it hurt no matter how manly I am. After cleaning myself up I
came back to my headphones, they were in bad condition. The left earphone was
detached. At least its wires were still attached. I put it back together; but
now only the right headphone will emit music. Oh, I forgot to mention that there
was a small amount of curry left in the bowl and that it too was delicious. The
previously mentioned headset worked for the next two weeks, but sadly, it
passed away today.

All these occurrences happened in the last month. Now here I am on Valentines
Day, lacking the ability to listen to music. It’s a great shame considering I
just completed my collection of Pink Floyd albums yesterday. Oh well, it can
wait until I buy a new pair at the local pharmacy. In my estimation the
earphones were fairly priced, a pair going for $20. Maybe someone could get me new
headphones of better quality. Hint hint.

Bose plz.